Words

Words of the past echo in my head and have pierced my heart. They have made me feel so heavy; they weigh me down 12 years later. I’m left questioning whether there’s truth to what was said or if they were just meant to destroy me; to destroy every ounce of strength I have built and every amount of courage I was forced to gain.

words

Those words, those laughs and those fingers pointing at me. I have constantly viewed myself as nothing more than someone to laugh at, a mockery. The fear instilled in my heart as I face people – the expectation I have of people laughing at me is real, so real that I feel as though the sight and thought of me brings them to laughter.

My heart is pierced, my mind bruised and beaten but my soul is what’s keeping me going. Keeping me from giving up. Keeping me from allowing those words to devour me. I’m finding myself. I’m tearing down the strong walls I built out of fear.  Those words have boxed me, cornered me, and imprisoned me for far too long.  They brought about every insecurity and every doubt I hold today.

Those words have been drowning me and I have just began to touch surface.  Those words have buried me so deep under ground that I can now see the glimmer of sunlight peaking through.  I’ve realized something.  Those words were meant to hurt me, to make me feel like I was nothing.  To make me feel low and to hold me down.

Those words – “big nose,” “crooked teeth,” “too skinny,” “rag-head” “you’re ugly.”

Made me feel like nothing.  Today, I’m facing the pain head-on and realizing that they are what they are. Words that came from the mouths of insecure individuals.  Just words.

Side note: Choose your words wisely because you don’t know what new wounds you’re creating, or what old wounds you’re opening.  Don’t cover up your own insecurities by creating insecurities for others.  Don’t bring others down to shoot yourself up.  Don’t let words get to you.  Don’t repeat them in your head and do not think about them, because they will stay with you forever if you allow them to.  Don’t give those people the satisfaction of bringing down to their level.  Don’t let them win, don’t let them control you.  Be yourself and know that those who love you know exactly who you are and see the beauty in you that others want to destroy.  Protect your heart and allow those who truly care for you to help protect it.  Don’t ever give in, don’t ever feel weak.  Always see the insults of others as another opportunity for you to jump the hurdle and move on.  Don’t be so quick to judge others because they have been on a different journey and they have been through things you know nothing about.  Don’t try to force them to do anything, and don’t try to change them.

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